I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
