Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
