If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
