I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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