hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
