Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
