I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
