1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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