i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
