I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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