Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Houston, we have a blender
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
