Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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