so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
