I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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