I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
