If i come over, it means nothing
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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