eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
