You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
