I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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