I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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