see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
