How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
