I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
