Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
