I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
