I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
