I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
