found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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