6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
