wrigley field is MILF paradise
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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