I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
