sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
