Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
