That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
