I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
