my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
