carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
