the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
