i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
