My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
