so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You need Xanax blowdarts
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
