Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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