worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
