4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That accounts for only three of the penises
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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