Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
