No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
