i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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