Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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