it was like eating out sand paper
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
