I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
