So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
