rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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